Session 3: Marriage and the Home

Goals

Our goals for this session are that you will:

• have greater empathy for the experiences of women in situations of domestic violence and forced marriage
• understand the scope and seriousness of domestic violence and forced marriage
• begin to advocate for, and support, women experiencing violence in marriage or in the home

Before starting this session, you should read chapters 4 to 6 of Scars Across Humanity. Also you were asked to try to find out what services are available from local councils and community groups for survivors of domestic violence.

Recap (5 mins)

In the last session, we looked at two key issues affecting girls in childhood:

• Sex selective abortion (female infanticide): borne out of son preference and a dowry system which sees women as a burden
• Female Genital Mutilation: practice in decline but still much to be done

Today’s first issue also sadly affects girls at a young age. 

Forced Marriage

Watch Video 4: Forced Marriage (5 mins)
In this video Natasha Rattu from the organisation Karma Nirvana discusses forced marriage.  

Reflection 

Based on the video and what you have read in chapter 4, answer these three questions:

1. What is the difference between arranged marriage and forced marriage?
2. What are some of the key reasons for child brides and early marriage?
3. What are some of the effects on girls who are married young?

God’s view on marriage (10 mins)

Read the following Bible passages:

• Gen 2:20-25

• Ephesians 5:21-33

From your reading of these passages how would you answer the following questions?

1. What is God’s purpose and desire for marriage?
2. What does it mean for husbands and wives to submit to one another? Is “submitting” the same as “obeying”?
3. What are Paul’s expectations for husbands in a marriage?

Intimate Partner Violence

We now move from forced marriage to intimate partner violence, also called domestic violence. Intimate partner violence can take many forms and affects people at every level of society in every culture. 603 million women live in countries where domestic violence is not considered a crime.

Watch the following video of Rosie Duffield MP’s speech in the House of Commons during the debate on the Domestic Abuse Bill. 

https://twitter.com/i/status/1179407135333081093 

Reflection (20 mins)

1. How do you feel after watching that clip?
2. What are some of the underlying factors behind domestic abuse? What might motivate men to act in this way?
3. Victims of domestic abuse can sometimes receive unhelpful advice from the Christian community. One Christian author recently wrote that “a wife has a much greater chance of being abused if she is quarrelsome, contentious, and abusive towards her husband rather than if she is kind, loving, and submissive.” How would you respond to that?
4. What would you say to a Christian woman who is in a situation of domestic abuse but is worried that leaving her husband violates God’s expectations for marriage?

Response and Action (15 mins)

Having thought about helpful and unhelpful Christian responses to the problem of domestic violence, we now want to give you some basic principles of how to respond well to situations of domestic abuse that you may become aware of.

Watch Video 5: Intimate Partner Violence (8 mins)

Sarah Hill from IDAS discusses intimate partner violence and how we can support victims.

Think about the following questions: 

1. What is needed for a victim of intimate partner abuse to be free from their abuser? 
2. How can they best be supported by churches and individuals? What resources are available to help them rebuild their lives? 
3. Have you been able to find out about any organisations or charities local to you who advocate for or offer assistance to women at risk? If not spend some time now investigating this. 

One Christian organisation that works with churches and victims of domestic violence is Restored, who have produced a book called “Restored: A Handbook for Female Christian Survivors of Domestic Abuse” to support survivors of domestic abuse as they journey towards recovery. See the resources section on the next page for more information about this very helpful resource.

Pray: Spend the last five minutes praying for child brides, for organisations supporting them, and for those advocating for legislative change in countries where it is needed; also for women who are in abusive marriages or relationships, that they will get the help and solutions they need.

You will need to read chapters 7 to 9 of Scars Across Humanity before starting the next session. 

Resources 

Girls Not Brides is a global partnership of many organisations working to end child marriage. They have a number of projects you can follow and become involved in (www.girlsnotbrides.org)

Karma Nirvana helps women facing forced marriage in the UK (https://karmanirvana.org.uk)

Vow For Girls is one of the organisations working to end child marriage (vowtoendchildmarriage.org)

Restored is a UK-based Christian charity which works with the church to combat violence against women. (www.restoredrelationships.org)

The White Ribbon Pledge and First Man Standing are ways for men to stand up and show support for ending violence against women (www.whiteribbon.org.uk & (www.restoredrelationships.org/what-we-do/working-with-men/)

Restored also produces a book (Restored: A Handbook for Female Christian Survivors of Domestic Abuse) edited by Esther Sweetman, which is available free of charge to survivors of domestic abuse. Contact Restored for a copy

Out of Control by Natalie Collins (SPCK) is a Christian guide to understanding and addressing domestic abuse.

Help

If you are currently a victim of domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence hotline on 0808 2000 247. If you have previously suffered domestic violence and want to process your experience, contact Restored on 020 3906 3922. 

If you are a man and are experiencing domestic violence, you can call the Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327. If you are a man and worried about your behaviour towards women, contact Respect on 0808 802 4

End of Session 3.